Two words: Banana chips. Better yet, go big and take on the whole dried fruit industry. Maybe you can finally provide the answer for the question I know is on all of our minds: What the hell are craisins anyway?
Craisins are an industry term that refers to “crazy raisins.” They are raisins that have been injected with patented “crazy juice.”
I was never a huge fan of you, Michael Ian Black, but for some reason, I had a strange dream about you last night. I won't go into great detail, but you were a waiter at a restaraunt and you made my husband jealous and then offered him a free beer from a choice of foreign beers. He overcame his jealousy and you became friends. You were also wearing a wig at some point. My question for you is, what does it all mean?
I might be late with this, but the saying "sweating like a turk" might elude to turkish baths and not the race of people. It's common practice to sweat in a proper turkish bath much like you do in a sauna. For once, you might be off the hook for being a racist. Just this once.
But the baths themselves refer to the race, so no, we are not off the hook for being racist. We are extra racist when it comes to the Turks.
A recent convert to the 'cast, so I'm not sure if you've addressed this already (still working my way through/hoarding the archives), but: snack vs. nosh. Same thing? Different things? Could you please address this profoundly important question? -- Sarah D. Bunting, chief researcher, Bunting Alimentary Research Foundation
Great question and a good topic of conversation for a future podcast. We will try to remember to raise this very important question sometime in the near future.
I was listening to MATES with my mom (she has never heard a podcast before). After it ended she said, "Those guys were rude." And I was confused why she thought that. I found out she thought I was on a skype call with you guys and you weren't letting me talk. I love your podcast.
Your mother is not very smart. Adorable, but dim. She needs to eat some brain snacks: we suggest crudite.
So what if you happen to prefer to heat left over pizza rather than eat it cold? "But Claude," you say, "heat it in the oven and it can get too dry, in the microwave it's too soggy." True. Solution: you nuke the pizza in a covered microwave safe dish until the cheese and sauce are heated to your liking. Then you briefly put the slices in the frying pan. This heats the pizza without drying (unless you leave it in too long), yet the bottom of the crust is crispy. What do you think?
You are treading very close to meal territory, my friend, very very close. So close, in fact, that you have fallen right through the ice and are now drowning in the freezing cold waters of lunch. YES LUNCH!
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5. Mike & Tom Eat Snacks Actor/Comedian Michael Ian Black and actor Tom Cavanagh became great friends on the set of the underrated NBC comedy “Ed” and looked for a project to work together again on for years. So the idea of them creating a podcast based on eating and rating snacks may seem surprising. But this odd combination works surprisingly well and lets their viewers (they know they’re not viewers) always wondering what they will tackle next.
Episode To Check Out: Episode #2: Keebler Fudge Stripes. In only their second episode, Mike and Tom found their first enemies: The Keebler Elves. When their Fudge Stripe cookies aren’t up to snuff, they compare the tree-dwelling cookie makers to evil, pantsless hooligans.
I know you guys have conflicting views on what is deemed a snack, and a sandwich is rarely seen as a snack. If there was a sandwich that was a snack, a PB&J would be it.
Bottom line is: you guys should eat PB&Js, maybe made by Tom's mother (if she can make muffins great and all that).
Another sandwich-as-snack: ham sandwich made from an actual leftover ham. Ditto with Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches. Tom’s mother still has not made us a single goddamned muffin.
I have seen commercials with Aasif Mandvi as the new taco bell spokesman. I know how heartbroken this must make you but I sure you everything will be alright. You need to take the fight to Aasif. Become a Daily Show correspondent and upstage him every chance you get. Eventually you will become the superior correspondent and taco bell will coming running to you with fistfuls of cash and an apology kitten. Hang in there buddy. Everything is going to be OK.
Thanks for the encouragement. It’s like that old poem about loving something and setting it free and getting to a fork in the woods and then seeing a tree and writing a poem about how lovely it is and then killing yourself.
I'm the programmer for the Olympia Film Festival, to be held November 11-20 in Olympia, WA. I'm also a loyal viewer*. I was wondering if you fellows would be interested in a 'Mike and Tom Eat the Olympia Film Festival' event,
wherein you would come to the festival and, microphones in hand, talk over a movie of your choice (an example of a movie is Yogi Bear 3D).
David Cross and Bob Odenkirk did something similar at the festival a few years ago, providing a live commentary track for Steven Seagal's 'On Deadly Ground', so, you know, there's precedent. Plus we'd fly you out here, provide snacks, and pay you Ian McShane money**.
offprogrammer (at) olympiafilmsociety (dot) org
*I know I'm not a viewer.
This is a possibility. We would love to eventually hit the road for some live shows. The question, as always, is timing. And you are so very far away. Perhaps.
While attempting to google your podcast, I found myself unable (for several tries) to type anything other than "Mike & Tom Eat Snakes."
Do you have any plans to eat snakes, gummy or otherwise, in a future episode?
Regarding your typing problem, this could be early onset adult dyslexia. See a cordot immediately.
The way the show is going, it's only a matter of time before you bring the cookies into the mix; we're all waiting for it. Before you do this, might I make a suggestion? Don't fuck it up. Milk and chocolate chip cookies. -Michael Gibson
This is a great suggestion, although to be fair, chocolate chip cookies and milk is not the most original of suggestions, so when we do end up doing that episode, please don’t sue us for plagiarism.
There is something about the stereo RATINGS, ratings, RATINGS part that I enjoy so much, so much that I had both my earphones in my ears and got pulled over on the PA turnpike! I guess your podcasts are worth the $110 ticket I just got! Thanks for the entertainment and from now on I will listen with just one earbud in!
Send the ticket to Tom and he will be happy to pay it for you.
I have a suggestion to make the MATES podcast system a bit more accurate. Rather than the P.E.R. system. Which as we all know is Pick a snack, Eat a snack, and Rate a snack. Why not call it what it really is? The P.E.T.E.R. system? Pick a snack, Eat a snack, Talk about the snack, Eat more of the snack, and finally, Rate the snack. After all, the Talk about the snack step, I'm sure, is everyones favorite step.
Please consider this brilliant suggestion, and give credit where credit is due.
This is a brilliant suggestion if only because the anagram is so excellent. We’ve given the suggestion to our communications team to run the numbers.
Alright gentlemen, me and a friend were talking about your podcast and he seems to believe that Ian is not real and is, in fact, a genius creation of a fictional character. I say Ian is real. Could you please settle this for us? Perhaps by posting a picture of Ian? And if he's wearing his Argentinian shirt, that would be unbelievable.
Much appreciated, Alex
Can’t something be both real AND a genius creation of a fictional character?
I have this law regarding snack combinations that I've followed since the very beginning: delicious + delicious = delicious. And you know what? I've found that it is never wrong. What are your thoughts on this equation? If you don't agree, how would you fix D + D = D so that it is never wrong?
Maybe you could test this law on the show? Take two agreed upon items and combine them for the first time while recording MATES. It seems like it'd work.
OH, I just had another idea. Blind wacky snacky! Tom brings something in, and Mike brings something in. You have no idea what the other person is bringing in but you have to combine the two foods no matter what. I think it could work!
I understand you guys are being flooded with suggestions. Just wanted to put this out there. Keep up the good work!
These are both excellent ideas: blind wacko snacko in particular has some appeal. We will consider.
Hi. The Toblerone episode really hit home with me today. Not only have i eaten Toblerone recently in the presence of a crowd of people (it was quite delicious), i did also receive a triangular prism (it is certainly not a bar) of it as a gift. I didn't touch the thing. I really was ahead of my time with this podcast. I'm glad you have confirmed my suspicions of this shady snack.
Toblerone is the proverbial emperor wearing no clothes. Actually, it’s more like an emperor wearing some clothes, just not enough. In the case of Toblerone, it really needs to put on a lot more clothes, or take all the clothes off. As it is, it’s kind of strutting around with its gut hanging over its banana hammock and that’s not making anybody happy.
I recently had one of the best movie-going experiences of my life. Not only because it was the last Harry Potter movie, but also because, for the first time, I got popcorn, and I got Milk Duds, and I mixed them. It was nothing short of a revelation. Thank you for that, sirs. Thank you.
That’s what we’re all about at MATES: changing lives.
Dear Mike and Tom,
I have a friend who enjoys MATES so much that she wants to put it in her Last Will and Testament that when she passes on she would like a piece of her sent to MATES Headquarters so that she could be a snack. Prepare the meat however you'd like. I think it would be a once in a lifetime opportunity for people in the snack game to legally (probably I'm no lawyer) eat human. Then the ratings would be listed on her tombstone. Would this be something MATES would consider?
I can't remember how to vote, so I am saying here that I like the element of surprise and don't like knowing in advance what the snack is.
Hopefully we have stumbled on a solution that will suit you. We now post with no title. A week later, when we post the new one, we title the old one. That way, you can easily find old podcasts you enjoyed but still have the mystery for the new ones. We are truly geniuses.
I'm sorry if this has been answered already. Do you film [I know you don't film] the podcast during snack time? It seems the only way to get accurate ratings. Thanks so much for this podcast, the family and I love it. Sincerely, a real scientist.
How would filming it make any difference as the accuracy of the ratings? To answer your question: no, we do not film it. (And yes, it would not be film we would use even if we did.) However, we DO record each one on some sort of digital audio format.
I hate to double dip but you did it already with the Bugles so hear me out.
Take your favorite frozen bagel (I prefer Lenders plain) and microwave it until it gets soft (about 40-50 seconds), spread some butter on it and pop back in microwave if needed to melt the butter. Then take Combos (cheddar cheese pretzel OR nacho cheese pretzel) and place on top of the bagel. I guess just eating a bite of bagel and popping a Combo would work just as well.
Trust me on this.
So you’re combining starch with starch? This goes against all the rules of snacking and for that reason, we are hesitant to think it will work, BUT it might also be just stupid enough to work.
Holy shit. I just janellied some ripe seedless watermelon with some raspberry seltzer and it blew my mind. The mouth feel alone was enough to make me fall to my knees and weep. I know you guys probably won't do a podcast on this, but trust me, gentle snack friends, it's a fucking hard J. Try it in private first.
This is serious snacking. Raspberry seltzer and watermelon all janellied together. A great idea with a lot of potential. If you have a lawyer, get this trademarked ASAP.
It took so long to sign up for tumblr that i forgot my question - oh yes - this is a suggestion that while Michael is speaking English with his excellent diction, Tom speaks for a whole podcast in French with some Frenglish mixed in and they just talk about French or Quebecoius snacks. This could be either too niche, or it could be an amazing international multicultural explosive success! iam going to Quebec for a WEEK in August, so I may be sending you la snack Quebecois. Sweet dreams, snackers.
Thank you for the suggestion: this is a terrible idea.
Not really related to MATES but congratulations Mike on Snark Week being sponsored by Taco Bell. You've succeeded in your lifetime dream!!
Yes, but you’ve kind of missed the point: Taco Bell is not paying me a goddamned cent. You think I wanted to promote Taco Bell for love of the game? Hells no. I wanted to promote Taco Bell for the Benjamins, the crisp, delicious Benjamins.